God teaching me a lesson or two

A few hours ago, I was driving a group of friend when I missed a turn and ended up in another street. Thing was, I was so sure where I was going. I never expected to take a wrong turn. Either that, or it was because my mind was so preoccupied with thoughts. It was then that I first felt God asking me to go to Him.

Somewhere along the way this past few days, I knew I was beginning to break. I began to feel the weight I was carrying. I began to feel weak as I try to meet need after need. I began to feel hopeless because there were so many needs, and they require sacrifice of time, of energy, of the heart. I began to feel like I have no time of my own, no time to rest as I attended meetings after meetings.

What is worst is that I began to feel resentment at having to go through the trouble for people I barely know. I felt I was losing the joy of serving other people. All the things I used to do willingly with love, I felt I was now finding it a burden. I began to complain about how stressed I am and have started to panic.

I was about to go uni to do my assignment and was picking people up along the way when I realised why I'm feeling this way. Something was wrong with my relationship with God. I saw in my mind an image of me kneeling down, crying out to Him. And I knew right away that was what is missing. I haven't been humbling myself before God, I gave in to sin today, and I am now running on my own strength.

So, I changed my plan and came home after dropping them off at uni. I decided I had to get right before God. When I entered into my room, I dropped to my knees and wept. But it was not until I listened to the song East to West which God urged me to that I broke down.

I cried and cried when I listened to the lyrics. My spirit was stirred. As I paid attention to the lyrics, I felt as if the song was written for me for tonight. How funny because a few days ago, I listened to the same song, but it didn't bring the same meaning as it does now.

God is just so amazing....preparing this song for me to listen because He knew I needed to understand the meaning behind it tonight.

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again your truth is drowned out
By the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
From you leaving me this way

Today, I woke up feeling terrible. Just like in the lyrics above.

Here I am Lord,
And I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind

I felt I was drowning in this sea of emotions from the past. Even when I knew today that I'm far different than the person I was, I felt the chains around me. I felt I was transported back to when God found me- broken, selfish, in pain. I never want to go back. I don't want to end up where He found me.

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest

I can't bear to see the girl I've been rising up in me again. That is one of my fears. And today, God is telling me to face my fear. I am to fear nothing/no one but Him. He is reminding me that I can find rest in His merciful arms.

Jesus you know
Just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been,
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know just how far the East is form the West,
From one scarred hand to the other.

Because He knows just how far the east is from the west; his scarred hand to the other.

As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us
-Psalm 103:12-

He removed all my sins when He was crucified, when He died for me. I don't have to see the person I have been. I now have peace and I can find rest in Him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light
~Matthew 12:28-30~

I don't have to feel like I'm burning out because He gives me strength. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. It was because I was giving on my own strength that it started to feel heavy. I became proud and impatient and stopped learning from God when I started to take things into my own hands.

Just like how I missed the turn when I was so confident I won't, God is showing me that we Christians are so confident and proud of what we are doing, we become unaware that we are missing turns.

We become so busy with things we do for Him that we stop going to Him. We stop going onto our knees before Him. What we are doing for Him is not the same as spending time with Him.

Sorry for the super long post but yeah. I think it's time we check our hearts today.

G3