The vestibule of Heaven

As I listen to In the Potters Hand by Hillsongs, tears started running down my cheeks. This is the song that is ministering to me now.

I remember praying to Him, asking Him to set me apart, to lead me, to mould me. And He did just that. He set me apart, and I know that I am reserved for Him.

Things I do now, I do because He has called me to. The life I have now, I lead according to how He tells me to. It is wonderful, but as God sets me apart, sometimes the only person I have is Him.

It is the greatest privilege, but now, I finally understand how lonely it can be. The things I see, not many do. The things I say, not many grasp the essence of it. The things I do, not many understand.

God's words in the bible come alive and are beginning to make sense. I'm learning slowly to die to myself, to the desires of my flesh and to things of the world. I'm learning to give up things I want, things I have, things I like.

Sometimes, I struggle with God. Why can't I have the same things as others do? Why can't I have the same blessings, the same success?

And now, even as I struggle again, I'm being reminded of what Hudson Taylor wrote, the vestibule of Heaven:
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If God has called you to be really like Jesus in all your spirit, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put on you such demands of obedience that He will not allow you to follow other Christians, and in many ways, He will seem to let other good people do things that He will not let you do.

Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful may push themselves, pull wires and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it. If you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others can brag about themselves, their work, their success, or their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing. If you begin it, He will lead you into such deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others will be allowed to succeed in making great sums of money or having a legacy left to them or in having luxuries. But God may supply you daily because He wants you to have something far better than gold and that is a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of providing your needs day by day out of the unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honoured and put forward but keep you hidden away in obscurity because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade.

God will let others be great, but keep you small. He will let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing. Then to make your work still more precious, He will let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and this will make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings or for wasting your time, over which other Christians never seem distressed.

So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own, and He may not explain to you a thousand things which may puzzle your reason in His dealings with you.

He will take you at your word and if you absolutely sell yourself to be His slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and let other people say and do many things which He will not let you say or do.

Settle if forever that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and He is to have privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing you eyes, in ways that He does not deal with others.

Now when you are so possessed with the Loving God, that you are in your secret heart pleased and delighted over the peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.
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As I read through this reminder, I am humbled. I know that God knows my hearts desires, and that He will give me more than what I ask for. I know that this is all worth it. God is worth it.

I long for more of Him. I am hungry and thirsty. Like Hudson Taylor, I want to settle it forever that I am to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that God has the privilege over my life.

He is leading and molding me, drawing me to Him. I am waiting for the coming of the day when I finally find the vestibule of Heaven.

g3