I choose to be Mary

Today on a cold spring day in Melbourne, I am filled with a sense of peace and stillness. God is present in my heart and I feel His overflow of love and peace. I am reminded that I have life because of His son.

I haven't written in a long time. It's as if I haven't written a love post to Him for a long time. Today as my heart tries to keep up with deciphering the love code He has written on my soul, the song plays on repeat........... Love came down and rescued me, Love came down and set me free, I am His.
And ohhh, how my soul sings out with joy!

Funny how songs reach where no speech can. Perhaps that is the reason heaven is filled with songs, songs of praise and worship, of adoration and awe.

I realise today that I'm always like Martha, having the mindset of running around getting things done (cos I figure that's more important) when Christ just wants me to be like Mary, sitting down at His feet to enjoy His company. Often, after getting things done, I just feel too tired to do anything else. How much better if I go to Him first then getting renewed/refueled for the days ahead. At least I set right first who is most important in my life.

So today (and by faith, everyday), I choose to be Mary. Teehee.

g3

Love Came Down- Brian Johnson

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

Staying desperate for You God
Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
I am Yours

I am Yours, I'm Yours forever
I am Yours, I'm Yours forever
I am Yours, I'm Yours forever Lord

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

g3

Learning

A wave of worries have been flooding my life, one after the other which made me ponder upon what is love, and what loving another person truly is about.

I've finally realised today that loving is expecting nothing in return and having the person's best interest at heart. Nothing matters more than that when it comes to loving a person; not even my own hopes and expectations for ministry, cell group, or personal life.

I am learning to be aware that emotions can become our god, and how dangerous that can be in that emotions sway my perception of people, ministry and life. The person comes first in God's eyes.

I shall learn to put people first, ministry second. Much like how Jesus took His time to stop for a person even when He had many more to minister to. Just like how Jesus forgave Peter even after Peter denied Him three times, viewing things that happen with a much bigger perspective than just that moment in time.

How do I know exactly what or how or who? I've come to a point where I want with all my heart to hear God's voice. Not the voice of peers, friends, leaders, people I love, sermons, worship songs, books, testimonies. Just solely Him, purely Him.

He is more than enough.

g3

2 things

2 things that God has reminded me today:

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails

Love is more than what we think it is. It is not what the world thinks it is. Love is selfless and sometimes, it means that we love enough to allow someone else to love another.

2. God is still good I am down with dry cough which makes me cough non-stop, even vomitting cos of the reflex. My lungs and throat constantly feels itchy and body aches. My mind feels tired and I am deprived of sleep.

I typed this in sms: "I spent the whole night and morning asking God why I can't be healed. Got quite pekchek cos felt so uncomfotable, tired and can't even sleep. Wondered when the feeling will pass. But now i feel peace. And when housemate went out to backyard, saw this: A peak of bright, warm rays of sunlight and the tree swaying in the wind. Then I knew God is still good, and I can still praise Him even in these moments. Even when I can't be healed this moment. Made me think about all the sick people who feels much worst than I do and having to go thru that everyday. Truly everything is His. My health, my life, my possessions. He gives and takes away. M awed. God is good, still good."

I never understood Job (in the bible). Today, I get a small glimpse of what it could have been for him....the thoughts, the sense of desperation, the turmoil of feelings happening inside. How he must have hung on to God.

So i believe in this: where I am now will not be where I am tomorrow. What I feel now will not be what I feel tomorrow. This will pass, just like the rainbow after the rain. God will restore my health and make me even more prosperous than before. My life is and will be blessed because this is His promise to us as His children.

g3

Awakened

Sitting here hours before orientation starts to put my heart right before Him, I am reminded once again of God's love.
Of His real presence. His deliverance. His abounding grace.

My heart yearns to beat His heartbeat, my soul to be awakened, my being to be near Him.

All He says is that He is WITH us. He is FOR us.

So I deduce that if He says that, nothing can stand against us. :)




g3

she bothers

person A: Why her?
person B: Because she bothers.

Just 2 simple words. She bothers. It requires effort, time and a heart. Do you bother?=)

g2

2 Cor 9:8

And God is able to make all abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

g2

job 14:19

Water wears away stones.

g2

1 Corinthians 2:9

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.

I will let you go because I know He has things in store for you that is waiting for you back in Malaysia. Go and accomplish the missions God has prepared for you. I love you.
g2

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Today I had the chance to meet up with one sister who really has the so-called faith in God. She is one who is not ashamed of who she is in His kingdom. She talks about God like nobody's business and she always glorifies and honours His name in her daily conversations with people around her. I'm just amazed by the pure faith she has. On the way home, she shared with me the above verse from Hebrews. MAybe, just MAybe for many of us, we just need a little bit of faith to walk this journey? For the things ahead of us, the uncertainties there are in the world, MAybe we just need a little bit of faith. Also, talking about our FATHER in heaven shouldn't be something that we are ashamed of or something we only do while we are among christians. It should be a lifestyle. We should be proud to talk about Him in any occasions because He is indeed faithful and true. No doubt about that.

g2

John 14:2-3

Jesus said, "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will COME again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, you will be also."

g2

Colossians 4:5

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.

g2

realising...

Soooo long since I last blogged! Been busy=) Well, so many things happened around me. Problems that I have to face, problems people around me have to face, etc. Today I just had a chat with one of my friend who is going tru a tough time and was smsing a cellie who thinks God is kicking her around and met up with an old friend who I didn't contact for a long time.

Today I realised that there are many out there who are left out. I feel for these people. Meeting up with my old friend helped me open up to the fact that we can really do something. BUt do we want to take that time out for them? It would probably take just a meal to bring them back closer to God. Are we able to choose them over our close ones? I wonder next time will I choose the former, I hope so=)

God is incharged of our lives. He really is. We have to trust Him and surrender our lives into His mighty hands EACH day. Achknowledging Him is sooo important. I love God. He never fails to embrace us each time we fall, each time we fail Him, each time we cry, each time we go down. God is GOOD. He will forever be GOOD=)

g2

You are more

This song came onto the radio one night, and i knew God was speaking:

This is for you, you are more.



g3

For those who wait

This is for those who wait

Another day, another waiting game
A little different but it's still the same
I am here, but where's the one I'm longing for?
I'm having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don't know
I know I'm not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I'm growing stronger every single day
God, I'm going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can't do this on my own so I'll give You control
I know I'm not the only one

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it




g3

I Saw Jesus by Karen Templin

Read this testimony=) blessed...

I Saw Jesus The vision I had not been to church for many years, though I was a believer in Jesus, & I loved him. Suddenly I felt like he was calling me to know him better. I started reading other people's testimoneys of him, & also people's near death experiences, who had actually gone to Heaven, & met him. The more I read, the closer I felt to him. I met a new friend who invited me to church. I said, yes, anything that would draw me closer to him. As I sat in church, the minister asked the question, "What is the mountain in your life?" He told us to take a few minutes to meditate about it. I thought about things I had not been able to overcome in my life. My biggest mountain was definitely the lack of forgiveness I felt for people who I thought had wronged me or hurt me in some way. I could easily walk out of people's lives, & hold a grudge for 20 years or the rest of my life for that matter. As I thought about these things, I felt a deep wrenching pain in my heart, even physical pain, as though my heart was being squeezed tight in my chest. I bowed my head. I knew what the bible says about forgiveness, & I thought, Jesus is probably mad at me. Still feeling the pain in my heart, I thought, Look for the face of Jesus. I had read that somewhere, but I didn't think I would literally see him. If I did see him, I was sure he would come condemming me. As I was thinking I should look for his face, I raised my eyes, & couldn't have been more surprised that he was actually there. It was just his face, but he was alive, & moving around. He was there, in that room. He was wearing a crown of thorns, & smiling at me with the most loving smile I had ever seen. I just gazed up at him, & the first thing I thought was, he looks a little different than in his pictures, but only slightly different. I felt no condemnation from him at all. That surprised me. Next, I felt him sending me love that was full of compassion. It was an overwhelming kind of love that I was sure human beings aren't capable of. I was in awe that he could love me that much. It was blissful. I was totally absorbed by that love to the point where I felt my heart could burst. I have never felt anything like it, & I'm sure that I never will as long as I'm on this Earth. I just continued to gaze up at him, & he continued to smile at me like I was so special to him. Throughout the whole vision, he never once stopped smiling at me. Next I saw him sending beams of transparent, white light towards my heart. I felt the light penetrating my being. The light was nothing but love, & compassion. He was very kind, & loving, not condemming at all. I only felt a strong out pouring of love from him. Next he began to communicate with me, but no words were used. He communicated by sending me feelings, & there was knowledge in the feelings that I understood clearly as it was transferred to my mind. He said that he already knew about it all, my lack of forgiveness towards others, how I had been hurt by other people, & what circumstances in my life that had made me feel that way. He said, "I know everything about you." That surprised me greatly, but I also felt comforted by it. It meant that he had never been far from me, like I had always thought, but I had been constantly under his supervision. Again, I felt more compassion from him pouring out to me. He said, "I feel your pain. I grieve with you." He was like a loving parent who will pick you up when you are hurting, and hold you in his loving arms. He will comfort you, & wipe away all of your tears. I actually felt like I had been comforted, & held in the arms of Jesus. After he lovingly comforted me, he spoke again. He told me not to worry or concern myself with these things because he would take care of it. I felt like a burden had been lifted, & I felt like it was easy for him to take care of my burdens. I sensed that it was no problem at all for him. I was still looking at him, still surprised by some of the things that he said. He still wore that loving smile on his face that would melt the heart of the worst hardened sinner. He was still sending me love, & it was to over flowing. There was so much love that I felt like my heart couldn't hold it all, & it may burst. I felt like I couldn't handle it any more. Seeing all of the goodness & purity in him, I felt like I may break down into tears & sobs. I started to feel unworthy of his pure holiness. He was a soul that had evolved to the highest level of pure perfection. Seeing this makes you aware of even your smallest sins. I felt unworthy of him, & then I looked away. When I looked back, he wasn't there anymore, but I was left with a feeling of total awe. Jesus had been there, I had seen him, I had felt him, He had communicated with me, and the thing I was left knowing was that he loved me more than anyone had ever loved me in my life! A few days later, I thought about how I had sat in church that day knowing I had sinned, & yet, Jesus blessed me with a vision. I knew he still loved me unconditionally, in spite of my flaws. I thought to myself, How can this be? Later that night I started to read the Bible, The Book Of John. Jesus answered my question clearly: John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that who so ever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned, but he that believeth not is already condemned because he has not believed. I had sought to know him with my whole heart & soul. I remembered that he had worn the crown of thorns in my vision. I now realize that they were meant to be symbolic, a reminder to me of how he loved us all enough to be lifted up, & crucified on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. The crown of thorns are a symbol of his love that he feels for each one of us. He had truly shown me how to forgive.

g2

A confession

I have a confession. I have a weakness that God has rebuked time after time. My weakness is that I find myself looking for my confidence and self-worth in others/worldly things instead of God. I find myself thriving on praises and compliments and successes.

Maybe that's the reason why I think the world of achievements, be it through grades, wealth, titles or accomplishments in life. I respect people who are high achievers in their respected areas, people who are driven, people who are doing great things which are making a difference.

Maybe that's why my reality cannot match my expectations. Call it reading too many novels, or having high-achieving friends, or not being contented/coveting others' talents/lives/achievements or whatever you want but it is sadly a very real struggle. For example, when my academic reality doesn't match my expectations, my coping mechanism is to shut down. I stop doing my best so I can comfort myself by telling myself that it's not because I'm not able, it's because I've not done enough/my best. What a lie I've been living...I've been living on my pride/ego.

Success comes to those who work hard with what they have; not those who dream about things they don't have, yet do nothing with what they have.

For example, in the academic side of things, I dreamt about being valedictorian since young because of characters I've read in novels. It's a good dream but in reality, I'm neither smart nor hardworking enough. So, because I know that it is not achievable, I make excuses to not study/do my assignments to the best of my ability so it does not justify my real ability. In other words, I like to lie myself. I don't want to face reality, preferring to live in this twisted mind of mine. I fear doing my best and yet find that it is not enough.

Lies+unrealistic dreams/goals+laziness+pride= a vicious cycle of self condemnation+guilt trap

An example of self condemnation is this:
I always feel that I disappoint my parents because I'm not achieving much academically. I like to live in the past where I was one of the higher ranking students in school. I like to dream of making my parents proud through awards etc. I always wonder why I'm not doing as well, yet not make any efforts. I condemn myself, I shut down when I don't get the grades I desire. This leads to even poorer results. Then, I would feel ashamed. I feel I've let my parents down. I feel guilty, feel I'm a failure that my parents have sacrified so much yet I've given them nothing in return. (the vicious cycle)

The above is only an example out of the many. There are plenty of these cycles in different aspects of my life that has eaten my self worth and confidence. The cycles make me think and feel less of myself. I thank God less, and forget/ignore His words. Truths such as 'I am made in the image of God' and 'Everything comes from God' are forgotten. I make myself the centre of attention instead of God. :(

The cycles extend to following God. In this aspect, the same applies. When I fall, I feel I've disappointed God. I shut down; I walk further away because I'm embarassed to face God. It's only when God intervenes that I return to Him after much suffering and pain.

I thank God for waking me up, for helping me figure out whats is wrong: the sins I'm committing, the cycle I'm stuck in, helping me understand the need to get out of this cycle. I can't be ignorant anymore. I don't want to live with these circles my whole life.

Today, I received an sms from my mom. She said this:
'It's not always about how popular you are, how many marks you get, or how active you are in school/uni. It's about the person you are, deep down inside that radiates out the things you do that touches people....the real genuine you.'

My mom hit the bulls eye; those are the qualities I've always desired and still do. Yet, she told me that I've got it all wrong. Her love is not based on my achievements. What my mom is really proud of is the person I truly am inside.

I teared because that was what I needed to hear. Love is not based on achievements. Love is not earned through works. Our parents love us for who we are. Our parents love us simply because we are their children.

It is even more true of God. We can never earn His love. Nothing we can ever do can make Him love us even more/less. He already loves us for who we are to the most of His ability. He loves us because we are His. This love is unconditional, everlasting, uncontainable, incomparable. No sin can seperate us from God! NOTHING can seperate us from the love of God!

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

If you're like me, stuck in the cycle, know that God is in control. Hang onto His promises! Remind yourself everyday by reading God's words. Ask from God to show you how to overcome things in your life. Thank Him for His providance, grace, and glory. Trust that God will bring you through regardless of the circumstances you're in!

Don't be afraid of failures or mistakes or sin, bring them to God. He is not ashamed of you, you do not disappoint Him! You have not failed God or anyone else. Don't feel the need to be perfect; He alone perfects us as He purifies our faith!

It's time to rise up, to walk out of the cycle. It's time to be all we are in Christ....confident because of Him in us, contented in every circumstance, and living life to the fullest!

g3

The God i know

g2

The Greatness of Our God

The Greatness of Our God

Verse 1:
Give me eyes to see
More of who You are
May what I behold,
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known
And break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.

CHORUS
No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

Verse 2:
Give me grace to see
Beyond this moment here.
To believe that there
Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.

Bridge:
And there is nothing
That can ever separate us.
There is nothing that can ever
separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey,
all You are the greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.

g2

The Parable of the Growing Seed

Mark 4:26 - 29

He also said, "This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain - first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come."

I don't know how He does it but He does it! Praise be to God the almighty. He deserves all the glory, all the praise, all the worship! He is more than gold, more than wealth, more than anything on earth! I'm glad I know Him just as I did! This message will be spread and it will NOT STOP!!! I love YOU and surrender=)

g2